⠀ Home > Monumental Fuck-ups
I think recording your past is very important, including embarrassing memories. I'm also just letting them out because bottling them up drives me crazy.
They suck but they are also worth remembering cuz they'll be your stepping stones to grow up.
It's probably a bad idea to put them in a public blog but uh. Ahh fuck it why not. Everyone's got their own bad memories anyways, wouldn't change much.
I've been playing wit muh dingaling much younger due to precocious puberty. That means sex hormone before cognition.
This is because my granny fed me too much and made me ultra fat back in baby days. Obesity is a common risk factor.
(When my mom got back from work, she yelled at granny for how fat I've gotten. It was that bad.)
So I wanked like a ninja back in elementary school. In a toilet booth, junk storage, last floor which was off-limits. And I never got caught, sneaky motherfucker.
I also figured out how to finish much faster at my will, which actually came handier later cuz I can focus on productive activities better.
Just so you know, of course I don't go ninja anymore. I've got my home.
On top of the dingaling problem, I was also an aggressive child. Maybe it was my internet addiction at age 6, but I also don't wanna keep making excuses for things I've done.
Threw a book out of spite, beat a friend when she teased me too much, pushed a guy to the ground cuz he gave me a quiz and then said I got it wrong,
growling to students jeering at my fault, such as me dropping a stack of brand new textbooks while delivering. I sucked until middle school.
I also remember getting beaten up by an upper grade guy out of the blue in the corridor and crying a lot after that. Must've been a hired assassin since I was an asshole.
Something I cannot mention has happened and it entirely changed my life. Made me become quiet and matured.
It was probably nothing since she doesn't seem to care about or even remember it, but I cried all night that day in guilt.
Some woman asked me the directions for school A. I misheard and told her the directions for school B which is the opposite way. Fuck.
In highschool, We technically still got classes despite finishing the finals. So the music teacher let us do karaoke during her class, for funsies.
After all the big guys like class clowns and great singers participated, it was about to go awkward. "Who wants to sing? Anybody?" With my good will, I wanted to break that silence.
I played Devo's Mongoloid on her youtube and ran to the backstage of the classroom, where I used to play drums there every lunchtime. They went "YOOOO", and I was very excited.
Next thing, I completely fuck up for 3 minutes 45 seconds because the song's volume was too quiet and the drums too loud. Classmates clapped out of sympathy.
Top embarrassing memory of my life. I still flinch when Mongoloid comes in while listening to that album. It was one of my all-timer songs before the incident too, goddammit.
Because of this, I always work alone and my perfectionism has gotten far worse. I'm forever scared to perform now.
Some would agree that you need "porn buddies" in your life that fuck wit your fetishes, and losing one of them is actually heartbreaking since they're hard to find.
So, I was finally 18, really excited to feel a bit free from the regulations. This D guy was one of the first porn buds because we had similar tastes.
Except, I wasn't actually 18. I thought I got my legal age for America, but this was only because of this butt fuck Korean system for age counting, which adds 1 more.
That makes me lying about my age while I'm still 17. He felt disappointed and wanted me to come back when I'm a little mmmm older! which I understood. An accidental lie is a lie too.
And the year after that, we talked about porn just fine until 2024. D suddenly confessed that I always make him feel awkward and he was only talking to me in pity.
He also asked me to never look at his posts on social media again. All I said before that was why he wasn't replying to my message for days.
As if he looked almost excited to finally block this fuckhead. Why did he seemingly like or agree on my past messages then, did I simply not read the room? Christ.
If you're reading this, D, you didn't have to "pity" me. There must've been a smoother and faster way to end this relationship, than dragging it this.
I know I had my faults but that was just harsh and overreacting. You also said to me several times that you can't believe I did that mistake. You think I'm retarded.
Now I can't even say "I liked your drawings" to finish this paragraph in a heartwarming way, because you take it like, a fucking sexual harassment, I don't know. Fuck it.
I think this has been the most disrespectful interaction I had so far in Discord.
Home | Journal | Interests | Misc | Monumental Milestones | Monumental Fuck-ups